CHAPTER ONE: WHEN I MET YOU
Exactly 4 years and a month today, I met you. Everything appeared to be in slow motion, you know, just like in those cheesy romantic movies. Four years ago, you were nursing a broken heart. I, on the other hand, was just sick of my life, of living it. We were at that bar for two different reasons. Yours was, to get drunk, forget your heartache and just to have fun. Mine was, I honestly don't know. My cousin dragged me out of my condo, out of my work station, yes, the extension of my dad's office. I loved my life being single. If you were in my shoes, in my high heels, who would have the time to have fun and be in a relationship with someone aside from my paper works? I'm not anti-social, I'm not emo, I'm just not meant to mingle. Maybe, I was too focused on being an achiever and making my parents happy, I was an over achiever. I was competitive and I don't lose.
My heart was beating insanely when you shook my hand after our common friend, my cousin, introduced us to one another. To be honest, you weren't that good looking. But, there was something about you that night that's so "irresistible." I can't help but think, why would your girlfriend leave you?
Shit, I didn't know I'd feel this way in real life. It's like when San Cai was in denial about Dao Ming Zhi (yes, Meteor Garden).
CHAPTER TWO: US
Us, wasn't easy. It was hard for you to let go of her, and it was harder on my part to be a friend to someone I think, I'm falling for. I have never been in love. In movies, in books, according to my friends, you know you're in love, when that person makes you happy and he/she completes your day. I was warned about getting "hurt" when you become too attached to a certain individual. Being your "friend" made me happy. I was also hurt seeing you so broken. I wasn't hurt as a friend, it was more than that, I know deep inside.
Months had passed and I'm used to the "hurt" already. For the first time, I felt the pang of defeat.
I decided to ignore all your calls and text messages. One summer night, was Déjà Vu. The scene at the bar, the over speeding heartbeat, I was sweating, butterflies in my tummy, I felt nauseous. You were standing right in front of me, I felt hurt and awkward. I want to take off my shoes and just run away from you, I hate confrontations. But I kept my poise, all for my expensive pair of stilettos. A part of me was also intrigued about your life. Have you moved on? Are you seeing someone right now?
I don't know if it's just my high alcohol tolerance, or the bartender was tricking me by serving me flavoured non-alcoholic drinks that no matter how many I gulp down, I'm just not getting drunk enough, not having the courage to talk to you, except for "how's work?" "how's your dog?" and "how's everyone in the family?"
It was about 2 a.m when we left the bar. We were both quiet while waiting for a cab. You held my hand and mumbled, "I missed you."
We didn't get to talk that much in the cab, so, when we got to my place, I invited you in. Maybe, now that there's just the two of us, there's no reason for me to held back and demand answers from you.
It felt like, we were about to play 20 Questions.
We never got to the first question. Your stare, melted me. That night, I surrendered. It was painful and wonderful at the same time.
I woke up the next day realizing you're gone already. On the bed side table, there was a folded piece of paper, I took and read it.
Last night, I knew you've been meaning to ask me, how I've been or if I have moved on already. If you didn't started ignoring all my text messages and phone calls, I would not have realized that I've cried for too long already for someone who never cared in the first place. If you did not start ignoring me, I would not know how much you mean to me, not as a friend, it was more than that. It was fate that brought us together, for the second time. And this time around, I will not let this chance pass by.
I'm just at the grocery store. I will see you in a bit.
I got up, folded back the letter, sang Beyonce's Crazy In Love and took a shower.
CHAPTER THREE: THE PROPOSAL
Just like in any other normal relationship, ours wasn't a smooth sailing one. We argue over the pettiest, silliest things, like who's turn it is to wash the dishes, or pick up the laundry or walk the dog, up to the ones that almost broke us apart, jealousy, lack of trust and not having enough time to spend with each other.
Maybe, we are just crazily in love with each other that despite the trials, we're still together.
On our 3rd anniversary, he popped the question I never thought he'd ask that soon. "Will you marry me?" I said, "yes" faster than I blinked my eyes.
We decided to get married on our 4th anniversary, January 14, 2011.
We had exactly one year to prepare. And I am telling you right now, preparing for a wedding, MY wedding, was so stressful and expensive. Who cares, really? We both have a stable job, we both have our own savings, I will have his last name and we will have our own kids and try our very best to raise them well, so all the stress and the expenses, are worth it.
The moment I said, "yes", to be his wife, wasn't a child's play. It is a life-long commitment through thick and thin, for richer or for poorer, until death do we part.
January 6, 2011, 8 days before we tie the knot, the man that I know I'll love for the rest of my life, died.
I was shocked. I feel like, someone threw a bucket of cold water at me. I was too traumatized to even shed a tear when they told me what happened.
It was so surreal.
I was waiting for someone to say "cut", that all these, was just a part of a tearjerker movie, a fiction.
Sadly, it wasn't. I don't know how I'll move on. Where am I suppose to start?
This entry is partly fiction and a true story. It is the story of my friend who was supposed to get married, but her fiance died, in a sudden manner, 8 days before their wedding. Chapters one, two and the first part of chapter three were part all part of my imagination.
The point of this entry? I think, it's more "understandable" that a love was not meant to be when someone cheated on their partner, or one just fell out of love. But your fiance suddenly died 8 days before your wedding? That's brutal! It is fate's heartless way of telling you, that it is not meant to happen, it is not meant to be.
If your partner cheated on you or someone can't love you back the way you love that person, or if your partner just "fell out of love", you somewhat have someone to "blame." You'll have a "closure." It will at least, prepare you, or it will show some scary signs/warnings that the "love", the "unity" is falling apart. It is surely painful, but at least, you knew it was coming. But sudden death? Who are you gonna "blame?" It would probably be easier to accept the awful reality that the one who used to be yours is falling in love with someone else than in a blink of an eye, with no warning whatsoever, the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with, was unexpectedly taken away from you.
Happy February 14th, everyone!